The Philadelphia Eagles are on a bye week, which means I have too much time on my hands to think about things that are even less Earth-shattering than NFL football. So, what do I think about?

The stupidity of NFL football.

And let’s face it, football people are measured more accurately on stopwatches than on IQ tests. Don’t get me wrong. I‘m not complaining. It’s not like I tune in every Sunday for rocket science.

To be perfectly honest, I’m here to support athletic stupidity in all its forms. Without it, how would I compile a list with such absurd notions as the ones you’ll see below. Thank you, sweet football, for yet another 20 reasons to spend half my weekend drooling before you.

20 Really Stupid Football Quotes

George Rogers, former Saints RB

“I want to rush for 1,000 or 1,500 yards, whichever comes first”

Bill Peterson, former Oilers Head Coach

“You guys line up alphabetically by height.”

Dick Butkus, former Bears LB

“I wouldn’t ever set out to hurt anyone deliberately unless it was important — like a league game.”

William “Refrigerator” Perry, former Bears DT

“I’ve been big ever since I was little.”

Thomas “Hollywood” Henderson, former Cowboys LB

On Terry Bradshaw’s brain power…“He couldn’t spell cat if you spotted him the C and the T.”

Joe Theisman, former Redskins QB  

“Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein.”

Jim McMahon, former Bears QB

On traveling to Europe…”The people don’t take baths and they don’t speak English. No golf courses, no room service. Who needs it?”

John McKay, former Bucs Head Coach

“Well, we’ve determined that we can’t win at home and we can’t win on the road. What we need is a neutral site.”

Randy Moss, Titans WR

“When you’re rich you don’t write checks. Straight Cash, Homey!” Randy Moss

John Madden, former Raiders Head Coach

“The purpose of the center during the snap is to get the ball to the quarterback; and if that doesn’t happen it usually results in a fumble.”

Terry Bradshaw, former Steelers QB

“I may be dumb, but I’m not stupid.”

Craig “Ironhead” Heyward, former Saints RB

“People say I’ll be drafted in the first round, maybe even higher.”

Randy Cross, former 49ers RG

“The NFL, like life, is full of idiots.”

Chuck Knox, former Rams Head Coach

“Most of my clichés aren’t original.”

Gale Sayers, former Bears RB

“The only thing I got out of football was the ability to work hard, and that’s it.”

Joe Namath, former Jets QB

“I guarantee a win.”

Bum Phillips, former Cowboys Head Coach

“If I drop dead tomorrow, at least I’ll know I died in good health.”

Jim Mora, former Saints/Colts Head Coach

“What’s that? Playoffs? Don’t talk about — playoffs?! You kidding me?! Playoffs?! I just hope we can win a game!” (former Saints and Colts coach Jim Mora

Bill Cowher, former Steelers Head Coach

“We’re not attempting to circumcise the rules.”

Bruce Coslet, former Bengals Head Coach

“We can’t run. We can’t pass. We can’t stop the run. We can’t stop the pass. We can’t kick. Other than that, we’re just not a very good football team right now.”